Dispatch from Education Officer Paul Chuk: ATTITUDE CLASS
While working as an English Teacher the the Grady Grossman School it occurred to me there were many problems within the community itself: alcoholism, violence, mistrust, close mindedness, selfishness, low self-esteem, abusive language, disrespect, fear and controlling behavior. I contacted my friend Sokchea at the Attitude Center For Education and asked him if he could help us train people to become a good person and good leader. He agreed.
To do it right, I had to consult with the School Supporting Committee to sense if the Chrauk Tiek people have the interest. The school director was skeptical because the villagers have a bad habit of not coming to any event unless they get paid. He suggested we give them two dollars per day and provide them lunch. I was furious. I told him, “let’s change that habit and invite them to the Attitude Class without any handout or free lunch.” His look said ‘good luck with that.’
As the class day approached closer, I was pleased and somewhat surprised to learn that there were thirty seven people registered to take the class. At the same time I wondered how many would actually show up, I kept my expectation low to avoid big disappointment. Actually I was a bit worried.
Surprisingly enough, we had a total of 29 participants. There were six men and seven women who were School Supporting Committee members, 4 teachers from our school, 6 teachers from different school nearby, our school principal and another school principal. Not too shabby considering no payment, no lunch and bad timing. “Stoong season” was in full swing. Everyone was working extremely hard to replant the rice, they had no time for anything else because this is critical that work needs to be done.
Sokchea introduced himself as a mediator who came to share new ideas. The class started slowly and I could feel that Sokchea was trying to sense what kind of participants were in the class. There was a mixture of some educated ones like school teachers, school principal, those with no education at all and others who felt in between. To keep the class in balance, he began slowly so the least educated ones could catch on. He asked us to keep an open mind to allow ourselves to explore and absorb something new, enchanting and interesting.
Before the class, I mentioned to Sokchea some of the major issues like alcohol, violence and dishonesty to see if he could emphasize those. He spent a good amount of time talking about the consumption of alcohol and why it has bad effect on people’s lives.
Almost all of them admitted that they do have a problem with alcoholism.
One of our SSC members, Kim talked about his own drinking problem. I am sure Sokchea could smell his breath as he got up and talked in class. To my amazement Sokchea interacted with Kim without difficulty. Kim has little education but soon words began to flow out of his mouth, sharing his own drinking life story with the class. As he talked, he was nervous and sweating profusely. He saidthat drinking gives him more energy to work on the rice paddy or farm. “Sometimes my wife wants me to work on the rice field preparing the ground for example, she would normally buy me a bottle of alcohol and then ask me to go to work. I like that part and it seems to work well for both of us,” he said with a smile. Everyone burst into laughter.
For generations, this community has lived their lives the same way. Drinking and violence is a norm and often times women are the victims. Their spouses abuse them verbally and physically, injuring their heads and bodies. Yet, they have no way to stop the abusive behavior. No one protects them; they are powerless. One woman told the class that her husband got drunk and they got into an argument, her husband hit her on the head, splitting her skull open. He later treated her wound and resumed their normal life as if nothing had happened.
Sokchea skillfully used his charm and humor to make the class more fun. Everyone’s face was filled with a sense of satisfaction. The whole class got excited from time to time. Sometimes they were dead silent as Sokchea spoke softly about why they continue to treat their love one the way they did. Is hitting a good way to show someone that you love them? He asked. He paused a few second for the answer. Then he screamed on top of his lunge “NO!” This brought everyone to attention.
In order to get better and find happiness everyone in this room needs to look closely into their own life and be willing to make some changes, Sokchea told the class. As the class progressed, he moved on to talk about corruption, the role of a father, mother or children. It was eye opening for all. It is the first time in their lives they have heard something different. Whether it was honesty, past resentment, unkind acts, hitting, greed, unhappiness, distrust, or conflict; they had to think about a better way to relate to each other.
The second day was interesting. People confessed to their spouses and wanted to change.
Chey, one of our SSC members brought his wife to the class and told her that he loves her very much. I am sorry for what I have been doing to you, drinking too much and spending irresponsibly. It was all my fault and I apologize, he stated in front of the class. Everyone applauded his new attitude. His wife asked me to be one of her witness to hold her husband accountable for his action. The class had a big laugh of that scene. I nodded my head with joy.
Vong Von’s son, Vann also got picked by Sokchea to confess in front of the crowd. He too ended up apologizing to his father and managed to say “I love you dad!” He did it hesitantly and did not look his dad in the eyes. This was the first time in his life that he said this loving word to his dad. Meanwhile his dad was in deep emotion hearing for the first time his son express how much he loves him. To Vann, it was not easy. He must have felt strange to say thing like that to his dad. He said it is hard because he keeps all of his feelings inside; he doesn’t know how to express directly. Actually, the majority of Cambodians consider this practice strange, odd or silly to tell your parents that you love them.
We were all encouraged with new hope that this class could bring Chrauk Tiek people a new meaning of life. A different perspective was introduced. Many small seeds of attitude changing behavior were planted. My best hope is that happiness and prosperity among the community will begin to sprout slowly but surely. That is what we all imagine.
Since Sokchea had conducted the class, I heard many good comments from the whole community throughout the Chrauk Tiek and beyond. Some women complained that they were disappointed that no one told them about the class. They really want to attend. I promised them that if we have another class, we will let them know. Three of our SSC are drinking much less now. Vong Von’s son, Vann, is more calm and appreciative to both his parents and his wife. A woman from SSC told me that she will try her best to put what she had learned into practice to reduce stress, be more forgiving, kinder, less worry and work toward building happiness for her family. I am thrilled to hear the positive feed back!
Recently I had heard that many people are making changes: drinking less alcohol, less physical violence and verbal abuse, and being honest!!
